Stream of Consciousness on a Thursday Morning

Good morning! One week from today I will turn 23. I LOVE birthdays, I think they are really fun and who doesn’t love presents? The only thing I don’t like is getting older. Getting older has always been one of those fears of mine; the thought of not being on this beautiful, albeit crazy, planet is something that gives me much anxiety and fear. I know I am still very young and I have many, many years left, but anxiety doesn’t like to think rationally.

I was recently talking with someone and we were talking about birthdays. I told them how much I love them and am excited for mine, but I don’t like growing older. She used an analogy that I have never heard of before; she told me not to think of birthdays as getting older, but rather leveling up. Like life is a game and each birthday commemorates another year you have succeeded and won. I thought that was such a cool and unique way to think of it and it’s true. Life is not easy and you should celebrate the years you have completed.

In other news, it is freezing here in Portsmouth and I don’t remember approving of this weather change. With my disability I am sensitive to weather changes so when it is very cold or very hot, my body reacts to the change. When it is very hot, I wilt like a flower; my mom jokes and says that’s why she named me Rose, but I never believed her. During the hot months, my muscles ache even if I’m not doing anything. Something about the heat just completely drains every ounce of energy I could possibly have. In the cold, my muscles tense and become almost numb if I get too cold and nothing works. I remember when I was maybe 15/16 and my Dad’s side of the family took us to Canada for the New Year and it got so cold I couldn’t lift my legs to get into the cab. Granted it doesn’t get negative 24 degrees in Portsmouth like it did there (it’s true, I took a screenshot of my weather app when I was up there), but it still gets pretty dang cold here.

Nothing exciting to report this week, but thanks for reading my rants and random thoughts. Also, shout out to Cup of Joe downtown Portsmouth for providing me with caffeine and a cozy place to sit and write this morning. Stay safe and warm out there!

Update: I just realized that it is in fact Friday and NOT Thursday hahahaha!!!! Ooops! This means that my. birthday was one week from YESTERDAY, not today. I thought about fixing it, but I want to show the reality of life and days get mixed up, especially since the pandemic and it’s okay to make mistakes. Also I want this blog to be as real as possible, so here you have it, mixed up days and all!

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